Can anyone hear me?
Sometimes it feels like I’m shouting into a void, my voice echoing back to me unanswered. My tears fall on deaf ears, and those who can hear have hearts filled with prayers but very little power to move the heart of someone who holds the key to my daughter’s future.
Why?
It’s a question that haunts me day and night. Why did this happen to my beautiful Genesis? Why are we on this road that seems to have no end in sight? What is the meaning behind all of this suffering? What sin am I paying for that my child must bear the cost?
I find myself in a constant state of contradiction. Hope and hopelessness wage war within me. Every fiber of my being wishes to stay right here, fighting for what we know is best for Genesis. Yet, a part of me fears being denied access to the care she so desperately needs. The weight of countless letters, emails, texts, and phone calls piles on top of the usual demands of simply being – of trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy in a world that has been turned upside down.
I’m tired. So very tired.
There’s no safe space to just be afraid. I must be strong – for Genesis, for my family, for everyone looking to me for answers I don’t have. But in the quiet moments, when the mask of strength slips, the fear threatens to consume me.
All I can ask is why, but it’s the emptiest question because I know the answer won’t shift the outcome. It won’t make the insurance company more compassionate. It won’t make the surgery less risky. It won’t guarantee a future free from worry.
To those reading this – I don’t know if you can truly hear me, but I’m trying to let you in. This is where I am – caught between hope and despair, strength and exhaustion, faith and doubt.
If you’re wondering how to help, here’s what I need:
- **Patience**: Understand that some days, I might not have the energy to update everyone or respond to messages. Your understanding means more than you know.
- **Practical Support**: If you’re local, help with meals, childcare for our other kids, or simply sitting with me in silence can lift a huge burden.
- **Continued Prayers**: Even when it feels like they’re falling on deaf ears, please don’t stop. Your prayers are a lifeline we cling to.
- **Advocacy**: If you have any connections or influence that could help our case, now is the time to use them. Share our story, reach out to your representatives, make noise on our behalf.
- **Financial Support**: As the bills continue to pile up, any contribution to our GoFundMe is deeply appreciated.
- **Hope**: On days when I struggle to hold onto hope, lend me yours. Remind me of the times we’ve overcome the impossible before.
To those who’ve stood by us this far – thank you. Your support is the light that guides us through this darkness. And to those who might be going through something similar – you’re not alone. Your pain is heard, your struggle is seen, and your strength is admired.
We will continue to fight, to hope, to pray. Because at the end of the day, that’s all we can do. And maybe, just maybe, it will be enough.
With a heart both heavy and hopeful,
Rachel
#MothersDiary #FightForGenesis #HopeAmidstChaos
